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It's been soooooooo long since ive wrote here.
I couldn't even begin to cover all the things that have happened since i last updated my journal, but ill give a brief summary of it all.
summer was amazing, nick&i no longer friends. made new friend sarah and tif-love them. went to a 311 concert best time of my life. went to west haven one random drunken night to chill with my ex boyfriend this led to us dating, and we've been together for the past 4 months.  i love him, very much even the things i hate about him i love. idc that people say we're not meant to be, because i know different. Nat is nat we stopped that whole new haven scene that got us into so many things that will go unnamed.  i hate all my friends to death<3 i tried e over the summer and acid the following day. twas a fantastic time. figured out my life on acid, had a awesome time rollin, and ate some mushrooms that i had the best trip of my life on. im doing the best ive ever done in school, which still isnt that great, i COULD do better butttttttt idk im not that motivated, maybe one day i will be. i finally got a car im finally not 16 anymore. i felt like i was 16 for 20 years. but it was the best year of my life, ill NEVER ever forget it. I actually wish i could relive it a thousand times over. But aside from the past the future doesnt look so good, im not getting into colleges i wanted. but that is my own fault for fucking up the first 3 years of highschool. but its all good ill make it, im not worried. i need to find a new job and i really want one with one of my friends so it can be fun, kinda like oakdale where i work with nat + char. but nat wont get a job...cause well shes nat. and char idk maybe she will. lets hope. ive decided that im not taking shit from anyone anymore. that i let people persuade me too easily and attempt to make me feel inferior to them, so they can feel better about their pathetic self images/life. im almost out of highschool! fuck yes. fuck yes. fuck yes. fuck yes. i dont smoke cigarettes, i dont really smoke weed, i dont roll, i drink on the weekends only. what a damn improvement, oh and i actually go to school and dont call out of work every other day.  im going to a resort on the 19th with char for her bday. hell yes. hell yes. hell yes. we are  making classy girl drinks and natalie can suck my jager tits because i dotn give a fuck what she wants. just kidding<3 but seriously.
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2 hours left of school for me and it feels like an eternity
its friday night and i have nothing to do until 9
i don't even need to go out i partied all week i feel like today is a monday and i should be sleeping
drunken freshman like to get drunk and ruin my night
my mothers a waste of a mother
and i love all my senior pictures

i don't know where nat is and were suposed to go to graduation in an hour, char is leaving me in a week and i haven't talked to her at all.
apparently I'm nicks boyfriend and thats just hilarious.
summer is here as of yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its amazing how much everything can become an annoyance. god knows i need out of this house/town
i might be going insane.

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90% of my weekend got ruined by the weather and the other ten percent ruined by a run away cat.
My phone is offically shut off, my ipod is lost and my room is being painted so ive been sleeping on my couch for the past 4 nights.
I feel at a loss when I dont have things organized.
My dad and I haven't spoken since he came back to see me, but I should have expected that.
Also I haven't been talking to that guy i previously mentioned much either, I thought it was just one of those...you slowly stop talking over a period of time type deals, but then he surprised me with this big letter about how he wants me in his life but is just going through some things right now, along with a bunch of other things as well. I'm one to over analyze everything so i don't know if i should believe him. I want to though...I really do.

Nick has been sleeping over a lot lately which i like because I have to sleep downstairs in my living room all alone, and if you've been to my house you know how creepy everything is so I'm glad I'm not all alone. But I have a feeling that others are starting to think that me and nick are more than just friends, which if i was looking in from an outside perspective i would think that too but its not the case at all and I hope peoples thoughts don't escalate into anything. Because I don't want this to be an issue.

School is almost over!!!! 15 days do be exact I couldn't be anymore excited about this. oh what summer will bring.
beach, parties, sunny days, visits to char in NY, six flags, cliff jumping, woods parties, akljsdhfklajsfh im so excited


anyways softball season is almost over today might be my last game depending on if we win or not : (
but im going to play fall ball so that way to dont just stay a fat stoner.

yerf ay ceis: "FUCK YOU"
yerf ay ceis: *RAIL RAIL RAIL RAIL*
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my dad showed up yesterday.....i couldnt look at him i just cried. what a puss i am.
my phone is being shut off which sucks, but ill deal its not the end of the world.
ill get it back..eventually. but in the mean time ill get a pre paid one.
i need a new job which i plan to go look for one today, money would be really nice.
ive been down lately but trying to stay up. nicky has been helping me alot he came over last night just becuase he knew i was upset about my dad and some other things, although all we did was watch family guy it just made me feel better knowing he was there.
that guy....yeah the one i like or whatever. not going so well..it started to really bother me, but i realized that thats exactly what i promised i wuoldnt let myself do...is let him get to me so im not going to.
i miss nat we never see eachoter, same with char shes grounded that bitch needs to learn to disobey her parents.
theres some crazy chick next to me crying cuase she didnt get a solo in our highschool chorus class LOL
i wish you could see this its hilarious.
chars here now<33333

anyways we'll see where things with my dad...and that guy go.
mood:
calm calm
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today was diversity day, which means nat nick joe and myself had to run germany, we smoked 2 blunts before it got there late, whatever, set up bp had food beer (non alcoholic) music and whatever else. we were all lit as fuck. one other county had all music and DJing stuff set up so there was loud music and the gay ass mexicans decided to turn it into a ghetto ass party. two mexican girls started "dance rivaling" eachother which was the most embarassing hilarious thing ive see. Also our school is full of assholes and we got this retarded kid named gabe to get out there and dance, wrong, but granted the funniest thing ive seen in awhile. so that was that. teachers flipped out..;whatever. next year nat nick and me are doing germany again and nora is going to do ireland so we can have bp from table to table. 

tonight im going out with tim.....which is saying alot cause if it wasnt him i wouldnt be going out for a million dollars right now i feel AWFUL but i want to see him so im gunna go and have he best time i can. he makes me smile and hes never all negetive and depressed, which i love. plus hes the only guy ive considered in a long loong loooong time. im kind of skeptical about this all but we'll see what happens.

other than that thers not much news except ive been sick alot lately and its starting to get annoying. i cant miss school and if i have to suffer through school i want go out. i shoudl be home sleeping but i cant even bear the thought of that. seeing how i cant sleep i just lay there uncomfortably tossing and turning. 

p.s.i love my friends even though they are fuckers<3
mood:
sick sick
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Let's go back, 420 was ballin. 14.5g. beat that bitch
Spring vacation was actually the most boring one I've had so far, but still did alot. Good times.

Char is with this boy Mike Schilty I'm real happy for her, he's actually a really good guy, I hope they work out. We have established a friendship, which is good. Cause the last boyfriend she had was a complete tool and I couldn't stand that she was with him. Cause well, his attractiveness line was about (-) and chars is about (_________________________________________________) x82
We went on a trip to Madison in Mike's truck friday , hahaha. Went offroading and to taco bell with gesner amber her crazy friend and some guy named dan (yeah you package those boxes, package them, yeahhh.) HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH don't even ask. 

Prom was saturday I went with joe nick kelly char and schulte. Twas a good time. We drank some tequilla on the way so i felt real good. After prom was intense. Racing schulte back in his diesel trunk was hilarious. Then we went to the hotel where i consumed 4 glass of long ice ice tea which contains 5 different kinds of alcohol. Some shots of goldschleigher and whatever else crossed my path. Needless to say I was wasted. Nick and schulte were hilariously drunk. HAHA anyways i go outside with steph and dana, walk back into the hotel room to find two cops and all of our alcohol dumped D : talk about the sadest thing ive ever seen. Luckily they didnt arrest any of us. Kelly luckily lied and said she was 16 although she is 15. Would have been an awful thing if she said she was 15. Anyways I called my friend jake over apparently and we started drinking some beer. Later on at around day break i call mike perry (randomest thing ive ever done) dunno why but whatever. Went to another party drank some more and returned to the hotel at 6am with mike dudley and started some games of bp. I don't recall any of this at all, this is just what everyone tells me the next morning. Anyways we leave I guess around 8....still drinking. And go to parker place to finish our beers. I'm sitting  in the drivers seat with a beer in my hand when I turn to see 4 cops roll up. ONLY FUCKING ME. anyways i show them my license and they talk to me for awhile and allow me to leave because i wasnt slurring my words. Which is a relief becuase I don't even remember talking to them never mind not slurring my words. return to my house/bed at 11 and pass out with char nat and mike. I guess joe nick kelly and jake came to my house to wake me up aroudn 1 and they were whipping things at my face shaking me and yelling at me, and i was completely unconcious and wouldn't budge. I woke up around 6pm completely destroyed. I wasnt completely sober until about 11pm. AWFUL

In other news, I got a call from my doctor on monday and I do infact have mono. It's not so bad though. I just feel bad for all of my freinds I shared drinks with sooo many people. I figured they would all be mad when I told them but they just were like "fuck it" hahahahha love my friends. 
So now I'm out of gym/ softball for a few weeks. Gym is a good thing but I'm really sad I can't play softball. But it's whatever I'll just play fall ball.

This friday i want to go to new haven to see mark. I miss him and hes leaving soon. So I think I'm going to bring a cookout to him hahaha. I hope char comes with me I haven't been there in a long time with her. 

School's almost over : ) I couldn't be happier. 



p.s. he DOES have a last name hahaha

mood:
content content
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so i did what?
with who...?
does he even have a last name?!
hahaha oh god.

yo whatever i don't care.

mood:
anxious anxious
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Me and joe made up. I'm not sure why we were fighting in the first place. He's one of my really good friends and it was hurting not seeing/talking to him all the time. But all is well, we're going to prom together again and luckily got a table with nicky and kelly so we won't be all alone. Apparently we're going in schiltys truck. with char and schulte which makes me happy because schultes pretty hilarious and i just love char. I mean i really do i don't believe me and char have ever even gotten into a fight. I remember the day I left to move to vermont she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, " I knew you the longest." i don't know why but i remember that moment perfectly.  she means alot to me. 

also today i was put on antibiotics steriods and massive doses of motrin due to the tonsillitis. 
a.k.a swollen throat, with black and white spots. its really freaking me out. and it hurts alot i wish 
it would just go away. 

i made a few mistakes this weekend, well mainly one. im not sure how i feel about it. 
mostly nothing, just that i always tend to portray myself as something im not.
first impressions arent my thing. oh well whatever. shit happens you cant take it back. no sense in regrets

school isnt going so well. I've missed so many days I'm going to lose credit. Also I'm pretty much failing all my classes.
The only part that worries me is that I don't care at all. Nothing really matters to me anymore, not in the slightest bit.
I don't care where I go or what I do. As long as I'm happy. Which I will be. I hate hating everything. I hate that everyone pisses me off.
I miss nat she makes me happy. She should just move in with me. So I can be permanently happy. Oh and she goes to bed early
so I wouldn't be up at 3 am typing this. 

speaking of moving in with nat. Today I saw my Vermont house up for sale. This really bothered me its such a nice house
SUCH a nice house.  we decided that me nat nora nick and one other person are going to buy it even tho its 700,000. 400$ a month
per person. so pretty much non of us will have cars furniture or heat. But thats ok cause we'll have a sick house and live with eachother.

I don't know why I keep talking to these faggots that just let me down/disappoint me. 
I need to buck up

anyways i need sleep. 
going to bed...forever.



p.s. i quit smoking cigarettes!

beats:
free stress test-professor murder
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Good day.
Woke up at one.
Softball...I own.
Good convos.

Love my friends to death.
Never realized how much

mood:
energetic energetic
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